"I hate it in friends when they come too late to help."- Euripides
"Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't
have too many friends because then you're just not really friends." - Truman Capote
"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." -John Leonard
"I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street."
- Virginia Woolf
"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such
a good friend after telling." - Arthur Brisbane
"I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn
friends—they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights! "- Warren G. Harding
To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.
-- Berton Averre
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
-- Source Unknown
Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does.
-- Jane Austen
Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like
glass and it goes to pieces.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of
them.
-- Mark Twain
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
-- George Carlin
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
-- Jim Hayes
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. He said "How come you haven't called me?" I said,
"I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no 5 on it." He said, "How long have you had
it?" I said, "I don't know. My calendar has no 7s."
-- Steven Wright
"There are 3 faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money."
-- Benjamin Franklin
"You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog."
-- Harry Truman
"Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a
clever man."
-- Bertrand Russell
"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."
-- Hemingway
"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead."
-- Old Chinese Proverb
"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me."
-- Benjamin Disraeli
"The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side
with you when you are right".
-- Mark Twain
"True friends stab you in the front".
-- Oscar Wilde
"A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative".
-- George Ade
"In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards".
-- Mark Twain
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel….just pray it’s not a train!.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your
life !
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I’ve got problem for your solution…
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink
that?”
Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.
Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has
enough.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you
saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde
Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing,
grab a
shovel, and follow you.
- Author Unknown
Nothing more cheerful than talking about our friends’ shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
The art of giving advice to best friends is to make them believe that they thought of it
themselves.
- Unknown wise person
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabian Friendship Proverb
I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
I have three kinds of friends: those who love me, those who pay no attention to me, and those
who detest me.
- Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort
Two people are never such good friends as when they are share a mutual dislike of a third
person.
- Unknown Wise Person
Having friends you like who are like you is a form of narcissism.
- Laurence J. Peters
Heaven must be an awfully dull place if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Author Unknown
Everyone should have at least two friends - one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Unknown Wise Person
A true friend is somebody who you call at 3 a.m. and say "I'm in a prison in Mexico" and he
replies "No worries, I'll be there in seconds."
- Unknown Wise Person
If you really want your friends to remember you, give them something cheap.
- Unknown Wise Person
A good friend is someone who you will help you move, a really good friend will help you move
dead body.
- Unknown Wise Person
A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Unknown Wise Person
Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.
- Mason Cooley
A fool and his money are my best friends.
- Unknown Wise Person
When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the
loss of their prerogative.
- H. L. Mencken
When the average man becomes thoroughly acquainted with himself, he ceases to wonder
why has so few friends.
— Unknown Wise Person
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Your wife and I didn't hit it off the only time I ever saw her. I won't say she was silly, but I
think one of us was silly, and it wasn't me.
— Elizabeth Gaskell
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
— Unknown wise person
The sacrifices of friendship were beautiful in her eyes as long as she was not asked to
make them.
— Saki
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say '
Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win
friends with salad.
— Bart Simpson (written by Matt Groening)
Sometimes apparent resemblances of character will bring two men together and for a certain
time unite them. But their mistake gradually becomes evident, and they are astonished to
find themselves not only far apart, but even repelled, in some sort, at all their points of contact.
— Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort
I'm a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.
— Oscar Levant
From wine what sudden friendship springs!
- John Gay
You can always tell a real friend: When you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done
a permanent job.
- Laurence Peter
It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than
love did.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
I believe in Angels, the kind Heaven sends. I am surrounded by Angels, but I call them my best
friends.
- Unknown wise person
Heaven is the place your best friends want to go only if you are heading there; so is hell.
- Anonymous
Great friends don't let their best friends drink Starbucks.
— Unknown Wise Person
Best friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
— Unknown Wise Person
A friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway.
— Christi Mary Warner
It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell.
- George Herbert
Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.
- Mason Cooley
Count your age with friends but not with years.
- Unknown Wise Person
Friendship is a very taxing and arduous form of leisure activity.
- Mortimer Adler
True friends stab you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
If we were all given by magic the power to read each other's thoughts, I suppose the first effect
would be to dissolve all friendships.
- Unknown Wise Person
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to
be sold, the other to be buried.
- Charles Caleb Colton
I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people
who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
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